


Mojo Pin

by TwistedDuck



Series: I will not give up and I will not give in [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Hurt Sam Winchester, Jeff Buckley Quotes, Post-Episode: s11e09 O Brother Where Art Thou, Swearing, canon-divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-09 14:14:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5542922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedDuck/pseuds/TwistedDuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam's back with Lucifer. This is the fall out. It's canon divergent as its set after 11.09.<br/>I just wanted to write from the point of view of the reader girlfriend</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Parading in a Wake of Sad Relations

“Honeys I’m home!” you called as you headed down the stairs of the bunker. You’d been away for a week to see family and friends. The boys had insisted on it. You were suspicious of their reasons but as you wanted to catch up with your old life you’d let yourself be easily swayed.

Sam had seemed nervous and distant when you’d said goodbye; holding you just that little bit longer and little bit tighter. His kiss has such a sense of loss to it that you had to stop your car to cry within 10 minutes of leaving the bunker. 

Now you knew why your parting had such a sense of foreboding. As you reached the library you found Dean and Cas in deep conversation. Dean had his face turned from you as if hiding. Cas broke off from what he was saying and walked over to you hesitantly. Both of their actions were enough to warn you something catastrophic had happened and as there was only one person missing from the scene you knew it had to do with Sam.

You started to shake. “Cas? Dean? Where’s, where’s Sam?” But your question was met with silence from Dean and a look of sorrow from Cas. Panic and anger battled inside you causing you to blurt out “WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BOYFRIEND?”

Dean finally stood up and turned to you. His eyes were sore from crying and his face was full of pity. He started to walk towards you, hands held out as if trying to keep you calm “(Y/N) Sammy was having visions of the cage, he thought it was God. It was Lucifer, it, it was a trick”

A violent tremor went through your body and you backed away not wanting to hear the next sentence. “(Y/N) Sammy’s back in the cage” Dean finally choked out. 

You heard the words but it seemed to take forever for your brain to comprehend their meaning however it was really only a matter of seconds later when you mouthed a semi-audible “Oh” of surprise before crashing into oblivion.


	2. If Only You'd Come Back to Me, If You laid at my side

When you returned to consciousness, you almost believed it had all been a nightmare. You were lying on your bed surrounded by Sam’s smell but your hunter senses alerted you to everything wrong with the situation. The smell was old; you were still dressed apart from your shoes; most importantly, you were alone. You rolled onto Sam's side of the bed desperately trying to inhale every last atom of his scent and fisting up the bedding as if it would help return him to you. Your hand found the long sleeved tee he wore in bed. Without a second thought you stripped down to your bra before putting his top on. You could almost pretend it was like holding him against your skin again. 

You got up and headed back to the library to find Cas and Dean conversing.

“Sammy would want us to keep her safe Cas, we can't let her out of our sight in case she does something dangerous to try and get him back”

Huh, they knew you well. But if they thought they could stop you getting to Sammy they seriously underestimated you.

You decided to play their little game for a day or so until you tricked them into a false sense of security, then you were getting your boy back any way you could.

In a meek voice you asked from the doorway “What’s the plan guys?” You went and sat with them at the table. Dean looked at you in Sam’s shirt but didn’t mention it which you were grateful for. You knew how weird it probably was but you really didn’t care. You needed to keep what you could of Sam close until you had the real him back. 

“Well firstly, you’re not to do anything”

“Yeah I got that Dean, thanks. Look I’ll behave, scouts honour. Just concentrate on Sam will you”

You could feel Cas trying to tell if you were being honest. Finally he gave you a nod and returned to the plan in hand. 

“We’ll need Crowley’s help, that’s for sure. And he’s being rather forthcoming with it which is a little concerning” said Cas. 

“And in return he wants?....”

“We don’t know yet” cut in Dean “but it won’t be good. However if it helps Sammy it may be our only option”

You nodded and tried to think what would make Crowley so helpful. Something to do with the Darkness you assumed. 

Lost in your own head, you once again felt Cas trying to read your thoughts so you decided to deter him the best way you could think of, by remembering intimate times with Sam. His hands on your body, your hand reaching down into his jeans..

Cas suddenly jumped up from his chair. “I’ll go and er…” and with that he was gone.

“What the?” began Dean but he shrugged it off and went back to the book he was reading.

Smirking you pulled a book from the nearest pile towards you and started scanning through the pages for anything that may be of use. With Cas out the room it was easier to form your own plan b. Searching through a book on angels you found what you were looking for; a sigil you could wear to stop Cas following you should plan b become necessary. You quickly sketched it down, sliding the piece of paper into your pocket before Dean could notice. 

For hours you both sat deciphering symbols and checking the lore until finally you fell asleep and your head hit the table with a large thump. “I’m awake. I’m awake”  
Dean gave you a look that called bullshit. “Bed!”

“Make me” and you went to go back to reading your book but it was ripped away from you.

“Don’t test me princess. I promised Sam I would always look out for you and if that means tying you to the bed to make sure you sleep, well I’m sure Sammy would agree to it”

“Kinky bitch” you muttered but remained defiantly in your chair. “You’d have to get me there first and we all know I’d kick your ass if you tried”

“May be true sweetheart but you couldn’t beat both of us” and on cue Cas appeared at your shoulder. Rolling your eyes you stood up shunting your chair behind you with excessive force before allowing yourself to be frogmarched to your room. 

As you went to grunt goodnight Cas turned to Dean “You too Dean, get some sleep”. Dean went to argue but Cas stared him down so that he too had to just give up and go to bed. “You both need to rest, I will continue the research without you.” Highly amused by this turn of events you stuck your tongue out at Dean before going into your room.

Changing into one of Sam’s tee shirts and your pyjama pants you climbed into Sam’s side of the bed, hugged his pillow into you and cried yourself into an uneasy sleep.  
 


	3. Touch My Skin to Keep Me Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI updated and longer xxx

Dean woke up to your screams a few hours later. Grabbing his gun, he ran towards yours and Sam’s room. He tried the handle but the door was locked. He took a step back ready to kick it in but Cas swung it open from the other side before he could. He held his finger to his lips and beckoned Dean in. 

They both stood looking at you asleep in bed. You were violently tossing and turning and calling out for Sam. “No, no, no, no not Sammy please? Please?” before pulling at your hair in desperation and despair. It broke Dean’s heart to watch. 

“It’s okay Cas, I’ve got this.”

With a final look back, Cas left closing the door behind him. 

Dean put his gun on the bedside table and crawled into the bed next to you. Spooning you, he slipped one arm around you effectively pinning your own to your chest to stop you hurting yourself. He used his other hand to run his fingers through your hair; something he used to do to comfort Sam when they were younger. He then twisted his legs with yours, effectively cocooning you with his larger body. 

With every stroke of his hand he whispered platitudes of comfort. “C’mon sweetheart, I’ve got ya. It’s okay. We’ll get our boy back. I’ve got ya. Shhh it’s okay, I promise.” Dean continued this way for an hour or so until your pleading was replaced by whimpers and silent tears. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up a few hours later pinned to the bed by one long leg and surrounded by gentle snoring.

“Sammy?” Even though you knew everything was not quite right you were too confused, too wishful to accept that there may be another explanation.

Dean stirred next to you thinking you were beginning to have another nightmare. He pulled you into his vice like grip again for what felt like the tenth time that night. Even your resistance was nothing new. However the saying of his name was. “Dean, what’s going on? Why are you in my bed?”

Dean leapt out of the bed like he’d been electrocuted. He started to explain about the nightmares and screaming but you got distracted by all the scratches on his arms and beginning of a black eye he was sporting. 

“Did you go on a hunt last night?”

Dean looked in the mirror then back at you. “Like I said sweetheart, you were having aggressive nightmares”

Comprehension slowly dawned. “Oh fuck, did I do that? Dean I’m so sorry. We’re getting Cas right now”

“Only if he sees to you too” Dean said looking down at your arms where you’d scratched at yourself in your sleep. 

“Yeah, well nothing new there…” you began but Dean’s look of disapproval wiped the smirk from your face.

“What were you dreaming about anyway?”

“Sam”

“Yeah, I got that. Look I’m giving you a free chick flick moment here”

“Don’t remember”. You were lying and Dean knew it but he didn’t push. Honestly he didn’t need to know what variety of tortures your brain had dreamed up as his had thrown its own share at him last night. He also didn’t want to confess to how comforting it was for him to hold you too. Keeping you safe gave him purpose but it was also a way of feeling closer to Sam. Surrounded by Sam’s possessions and the love of his life made it easier for Dean to cope somehow. 

A flutter of wings broke you out of your reveries. “(Y/N), Dean, did you have a fight?” 

“I had to teach Dean not to steal all the blanket somehow” 

Dean gave you a withering look, your comments may make you chuckle but he was always the one who had to explain to Cas. 

“She’s joking Cas. Everything okay?”

“I know how to get Sam back”

“Next time, lead with that” you said jumping out of bed. 

“Well, it’s not ideal. We would have to let Lucifer take Sam to the real cage. Only then we can summon Sam with a spell. The downfall is that by letting Lucifer take Sam to the cage, we’d essentially be allowing Sam to be tortured for what would feel like over a week to him. Even though it would only be a few hours for us, the mental effect on Sam could be irreversible.”

You sunk back on the bed in despair. “Okay we’re calling that plan z. There has to be another way to get him back. We’ll keep looking”

“I agree but we may have to accept that there is no other option”.

“Okay if that was the case, what would this spell entail exactly?” Dean shot you a look of disdain. “Look I don't like this anymore than you Dean but if it's our only chance or if Lucifer manages to take Sam to the real cage before we figure something else out, I personally want to be ready to go”

“We'd need a part of Sam, his hair should work” he pointed at the comb on the bedside cupboard. “I'd also need blood from both of you; Dean as his brother and you (Y/N) as his intended spouse, you are his mortal bonds to this world…”

“Cas you didn't...are you kidding me?” Dean groaned.

You sat there dumbstruck. Did Cas just say what you thought he did? Okay you and Sam may have mentioned stuff in passing but surely that wouldn't be enough to be his so called intended spouse? And didn't Dean’s reaction confirm what your brain was currently screaming about? Sam was going to ask you to marry him. Sammy wanted you to be (Y/N) Winchester! You gaped at Cas and Dean before breaking down into floods of tears. Whether they were sad or happy, even you couldn't answer.

“Where is it?” you choked out. But Dean just stared at you, torn between his promise to Sam and wanting to comfort the broken girl in front of him. “Please Dean? I, I need to see it to believe it. You know I'd say yes in a heartbeat. And, and it might help the spell” Okay you were grasping at anything that may encourage Dean to show you the proof of Sam Winchester’s desire to marry you. 

Cas flitted from the room and back again holding a small black velvet box. You took it from him as if it was the most precious object in the world. Lifting the lid you saw a beautiful antique silver ring inscribed with protective symbols.

Dean sighed accepting the inevitable of the situation. “So, er it belonged to my paternal grandmother. I believe it's been handed down the Winchester family tree for a few generations but skipped our parents. It went missing the day my grandmother died. Or as it turns out, Cas here stole it from her possessions before my Dad could collect them” Cas’ sheepish smile would have made you and Dean laugh any other time. You slid the ring onto your finger. From that moment you knew what you had to do regardless of how much it scared you. 

You, Dean and Cas headed to the library to study the spell and make sure everything was ready should you need to go to plan z. Cas went to gather the necessary ingredients from around the globe whilst you and Dean extracted the necessary amount of blood. 

You painstakingly read the spell to confirm it would work for anyone in Sam’s situation as long as you had ingredients personalised to them. Steeling yourself, you went to your bedroom and gathered up everything you thought they may need for the spell, leaving it on your bed before heading back to the library. 

Cas had returned with everything else you needed so it was now or never. 

Calling Cas to come help you in the kitchen whilst you made some coffee, you started getting some mugs out whilst he filled the coffee machine.

“You're positive this spell will work Cas, we’ll get him back?”

“Of course (Y/N)”

“Thanks Cas, I really needed to hear that. And just in case you don't already know, you, Dean and Sam are my world. I love you all and I'm really sorry”

Cas turned round to ask why but you hit your bloody hand on the angel banishing mark you'd drawn on the cupboard door and he vanished from the bunker. Scared of wasting what little time you had, you quickly carved the angel warding into your arm. You pulled your sleeve down and dropped a couple of sedatives into Dean’s coffee and crushed one into the cream on his pie. 

Dean smiled at the sight of the pie before devouring it and washing it down with his coffee. "Thanks (Y/N)"

You smiled and pretended to return to your reading. 

“(Y/N) what have you done?” 

Looking up you saw Dean swaying in his chair. “I'm sorry Dean, I really am but I need to protect Sammy and I knew you and Cas would never agree to my plan. I've left everything you need to pull me out on my bed”

Dean staggered to his feet but pitched forward. You ran round the table, catching him and helped lay him down into the recovery position just in case. He tried to grab your arm to stop you leaving but you were too fast for him. 

You ran out the bunker, dialing as you went.

“Well hello beautiful. Is this work or pleasure?” answered Crowley. 

“Crowley, please come get me. It's important” 

A second later, Crowley was at your side. The King of Hell being smitten with you had its perks.

“And what can I do for you? Let me guess, you want me to take you to Sam?”

“Please, I just need to see him and I don't have long. Cas and Dean won't let me out of their sight. I'll owe you big time, I won't tell them you helped, I promise. Please…I can't get there in time without your help” by this point you were sobbing uncontrollably. 

“You're lucky I like you so much. Although why you'd lump yourself with Moose I have no idea”

With that Crowley grabbed your arm and took you back to Hell with him and you found yourself standing in front of solid oak doors.

“Through there. If you don't mind I'll wait here, I'm not exactly Lucifer’s bestie and I'd rather not remind him of my existence quite so soon after my last visit. You have ten minutes with your Moose and then I expect you back here. Care for you I may but I need to get you back before Squirrel finds out you're here”

You hugged him and pecked him on the cheek. “Thanks again, I owe you big time”

“Yes, you said that. Just buzz off will you!” 

You were through the doors and sprinting up the roofless alleyway at top speed, desperate to have enough time for your plan to work. 

Rounding the final corner, you emerged into a large open space with a viewing platform and a large cage. A figure was huddled in the corner whilst another shorter person lent over them whispering into their ear. To an outsider, a man of Sam’s stature cowering under a much smaller figure would look ridiculous but you knew the genuine terror of the situation.

Sick of gaining no response, Lucifer grabbed a handful of Sam’s hair and yanked his head back so he was looking at him.

“This one way conversation is boring me Sammy” 

“I'm up for a chat” you called strolling towards the cage as nonchalantly as possible despite the fear coursing through you.


	4. I Float Just Like a Bubble Heading for a Spike

“And who may you be?”

“Nobody, she's nobody” Sam quickly interjected 

Lucifer shoved Sam away from him causing his head to hit the cage wall with a sickening crack. “I wasn't talking to you”

“(Y/N), Sam’s fiancé. Lucifer I presume. How'd you do?” You waved at him, making sure he saw the ring. 

“She's lying. I don't even know her” Sam cried out.

“I think the lady doth protest too much Sammy” Lucifer sighed. He clicked his fingers and Sam was gagged and bound. The sight made you grimace but you had to concentrate on the plan. “Where were we?”

“I'm the future Mrs Sam Winchester and I thought you should know of my existence. See Sammy here loves me, we’re soul mates according to Cas. And if I understand the situation correctly, you're seriously pissed at Sam for putting you back here?”

“Well, that would be an understatement but do continue”

“So you want revenge on Sam?”

“True but I also want him to say yes to being my vessel again”

“Now see this is where I come in. Sam will never say yes to being your vessel no matter what you do to him. I know it, you know it and Sam knows it. But if you let me switch places with Sammy and continued beaming those pretty little visions into his head but with me in the starring role, well I'd say you'd break him pretty quick, don't you?”  
Lucifer mused on this for a few seconds before counter arguing “What if I just threatened to kill you now? Wouldn't that make lover boy say yes?”

“Nah, see he knows Cas would bring me back in a second. And okay you could kill Cas again but as God has brought him back every time he's died I say we'd just end up playing a very long, very dull game where no one wins. Like Monopoly”

“So what’s in it for you then?”

“My soulmate out of the cage and the guarantee that you won't hurt him, Dean, Cas or any of my family and friends. What do you think?”

Lucifer paced back and forth contemplating your offer. Sam struggled in the corner staring beseechingly between you and Lucifer. You walked over to him and grabbed his hand through the cage. “Listen to me Sammy” he met your gaze; puppy dog eyes glistening with tears. “It's okay. Dean and Cas will be here soon. You just need to go with them. It's all going to be okay. Dean and Cas need you and I need you to let me do this. Please just trust me and do as you're told?” 

Sam shook his head whilst tears ran down his cheeks. His hand gripped yours tight, refusing to let go. Lucifer crouched next to Sam and stared intently into his face. “Well I must admit I had my doubts but this right here has confirmed everything your fiancé has claimed. I think it’s an excellent plan” 

With what felt like an invisible force yanking you by the collar you were suddenly inside the cage and Sam was outside but still gagged and bound.  
You looked at Lucifer quizzically. “Can't have Sammy saying yes before we’ve had some fun. You agree don’t you Sammy? You remember all the fun we had” Lucifer laughed.  
Sam tried to stand to get to you but couldn’t straighten up.

Sudden shouts and pounding footsteps could be heard coming closer. Hope flashed across Sam’s face as Cas and Dean sprinted into view. Crowley followed, remaining calm despite the shit storm he currently found himself in.

“Ooh how fun, all my favourite people are here” singsonged Lucifer.

Dean looked up at the cage and was startled to see you there. “(Y/N), what the fuck?”

“Plan Z Dean” 

Dean looked confused but Cas nodded at you and vanished the sigils holding Lucifer in that cage, sending both of you back to the real cage.

You found yourself backed into a corner by Lucifer who ran his finger down your cheek. “Well new bunk buddy, shall we start having some fun?” You may have signed up for this but it didn't stop the cold shiver that ripped right through you.


	5. Beware the Bottled Thoughts of Angry Young Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This gets a bit dark

Dean ran to Sam, undoing his bonds and helping him stand up.

“Dean, Cas, what the fuck guys? How could you let her come down here?”

“Let her? She roofied me and banished Cas from the bunker! There was no letting her do anything”

“Crowley?”

“Hey, hey, hey, she said she just wanted to see you. If I'd known what she was planning I would never have brought her here. I actually like that stupid little twit of yours. She's always been decent to me. I certainly would not have agreed to this”

“This is not of import. (Y/N) is currently with Lucifer, we have to get back to the bunker and complete Plan Z” Sam and Dean stared at Cas confused. “The spell Dean!” 

Grabbing Sam and Dean, Cas transported the three of them back to the bunker library.

“Dean, on Sam’s bed is everything necessary to use the spell to save (Y/N). Sam, I need some of your blood.” 

The boys set to on their respective tasks. 

Sam walked over to pass Cas his blood but a sudden flash of pain caused him to grab hold of Cas for stability as Lucifer beamed an image of you screaming into Sam’s mind. He heard Lucifer laugh “that's it, let lover boy hear those pretty screams”

So Sam was watching right now, well you weren't gonna let Lucifer mentally torture him. Sucking up what courage you could, you turned your screams into decipherable words “Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia!” you yelled before laughing. Lucifer raged and the vision cut off.

Sam sobbed a shaky laugh. You were such a fool. Cas looked at him confused. “She's quoting Orwell to annoy him into stopping the images. It worked but we have to move quicker, she'll be paying for that. We need to get her out right now!”

\--------------------------------------------

You'd been in the cage five days already. Lucifer quickly learnt that normal physical torture was nowhere near as fun as the mental pain he could cause you. It started with him feeding you images of Sam with other women; skinnier, prettier, younger and without scars and issues. They laughed with him about you rotting in hell to protect someone who not only didn't love you but was glad to see the back of you. Often Cas and Dean would join in laughing and mocking. 

He'd wind you up and watch you go. His new favourite game however combined both mental and physical pain and started on your third day there. You woke up confused to be back in your bed at the bunker. Feeling Sam lying next to you, you rolled over to hug him only to be stopped by the look of deep repulsion on his face.

“Get away me you freak” he snarled before literally throwing you from his bed. “You disgust me. Did you really think I could ever want something like you?” Shocked, you tried to get back up off the floor but he punched you hard in the face leaving you sprawled on your back. He continued to kick and punch you; every strike punctuating his statements of hatred towards you whilst you sobbed on the floor.

Finally tiring of beating you, he rolled you onto your back before sitting on you and pinning you with his body. He pulled a razor blade from somewhere before grabbing your left arm. He proceeded to slash it with the blade whilst you screamed in pain. 

“Why are you screaming? I thought this was how perverts like you got your kicks”

“Please Sammy, please stop?” you sobbed but fury filled his face and his other hand grabbed you around the throat. Choking you, he lent down into your face.

“Don't you dare call me Sammy, you worthless piece of scum”

The last thing you saw was his satisfied smirk as you passed out.

Waking up in your bed with your hand on your throat, you sat up to find Sam staring at you with pure hatred. He grabbed you by your feet violently dragging you onto the floor. He pulled you up by your hair, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror. “Look at yourself. Really look at yourself” he growled “Do you honestly think I can't do better than you? You're so hideous and pathetic. I feel sick just touching you. You're like a stink I can't get rid of.” You felt his grip loosen but next minute it tightened again before he swung you face first into the mirror. Shards fell away to the floor and your head was bleeding profusely. “Great, look what you did now you useless bitch”. He dropped you to the floor before grabbing one of the sharp slivers of glass and ramming it into your stomach. “Huh I didn't expect that to go so deep with all the extra weight you're carrying.” He picked up more pieces slamming each one into a different part of you; laughing every time you screamed. Eventually Dean arrived in the room. Looking down at you disgusted.

“What the fuck are you doing Sammy?” Hope rushed through you. Dean was going to save you and help stop whatever was controlling your boyfriend. Dean bent down and picked up another piece of the mirror. “I'm trying to sleep and all I can hear is that thing screaming” and with that he stabbed you in the throat. 

“Sorry Dean” Sam called as his brother left the room.

You woke up, got out of bed and went to the bathroom. The tub was full of water. You walked over to it to pull the plug out. The reflection of Sam appeared behind you and next minute you had been pitched forward into the water. Thrashing around you saw two more figures arrive. Between them, Cas, Dean and Sam held you under the water whilst you screamed and panicked, your body fighting for the air your three best friends were currently denying you. Eventually your body stopped fighting and your vision went black.

You woke up in your bed in the bunker...

And so it continued. You'd wake from one nightmare only to realise you were in a new more horrifying situation.


	6. Time Takes Care of the Wounds So That I Can Believe

Sam sat with his head in his hands on the bunker dungeon floor. He had seen glimpses of himself attack you five times now and what hurt him most was how willingly you began to accept everything fake him told you. You’d never hit back but now you weren't even resisting or shocked by what was happening. In fact all you really did was mutter sorry over and over again. 

Dean crouched down in front of his brother, placing a hand on each shoulder. “Hold on Sammy, she'll be back in a few minutes”

“The spells ready, you two may want to leave the room for safety”

Sam looked like he was going to resist but Dean hauled him up and out of the room. Sam barely made it to the corridor outside before slumping to the floor again. 

Intense light started to burn around the door frame and the whole bunker began to shake. A roar of noise built up causing Sam and Dean to clamp their hands over their ears. 

Then everything was suddenly still and deathly quiet. Sam looked at Dean “Did it work?”

Your gut wrenching scream was all the confirmation needed. Sam was up and in the room before Dean had even registered what was happening.

You were tied to the chair in the centre of the devil’s trap and Cas was removing his hand from your body. “She's intact, body and soul.”

Cas placed two fingers on your forehead and you slumped unconscious in the chair. 

Sam ran over, untied you and swept you into his arms. “You stupid, stupid, stupid girl” he whispered as he covered you face in kisses before carrying you out of the room.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up in your bed back at the bunker. Sam was sat in the chair next to the bed. When you saw him, you scrambled out of the other side of the bed with your hands up “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry” Sam stood up and you screamed, backing into the corner of the room.

“Baby please, I'm not going to hurt you. You're really home. We got you out”. He crouched in front of you. “I saw what he did to you. It's all lies. We love you, we’ll never hurt you baby”. He reached out but you flinched. He stood up and sat on the bed with his head in his hands. His shoulders slumped and he looked totally defeated.

Even if this was a new game of Lucifer’s, you couldn't ignore Sam in such a state. You stood and tentatively made your way over to him. You ran your fingers through his hair and he looked up at you, tears streaming down his face. Scared but determined you pulled Sam into a hug. You could feel his silent sobs and his arms tightened around you. 

“It's gonna be okay Sammy. We're both out, we’re both free” or at least you hoped you were. “Come on, we both need some rest. Let's go Bedfordshire”

Holding Sam in your arms until he fell asleep, you crept out of the bedroom and wandered down the hall to the library. Cas was sat at the table reading. He got up to hug you but held back to let you make the first move.

You wrapped your arms around him. “Thank you for getting me out. And I'm sorry I banished you. Are you okay? It didn't hurt did it?”

You felt his throaty chuckle. “You spend a week being tortured and you're worried that you hurt me? I'm well, don't worry. But please never block me from finding you again. You're important to this family. Though I don't think Dean will ever accept so much as a glass of water off you from now on. How are you?”

“Well as fun as it was to be killed by you, Sam and Dean about a billion times, I won't be recommending the cage as a holiday destination any time soon”

Cas actually understood that as a joke and laughed. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“Can we just watch some TV?”

Cas nodded and led you to the sofa. You sat down whilst he collected your laptop and a blanket. Wanting something light, you settled for some comedy boxsets and curled into Cas’ side. It didn't take long for you to doze off to sleep. Cas kept the nightmares at bay for you every time he sensed one so that your sleep remained restful and dreamless.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You woke up in your bed. You froze, too scared to move in case Sam attacked you again. A hand stretched out and touched your arm from behind and you screamed before curling into a ball and starting to say sorry whilst bracing yourself for attack. Cas and Dean came running in to see what was up. This was no comfort to you as they had often held you down whilst Sam attacked. An arm hooked around your middle and you were pulled onto Sam’s lap. 

“(Y/N) shush it's okay. You're safe”

“I was in the library now I'm in here again, like before. I always wake up back in here. I know you're not the real Sam. Just attack already will you?” You were terrified of the violence but waiting for the first blow was always the worst bit.

“Honestly, it’s me. I’m real. This is real. I found you asleep on the couch so I carried you back to bed.” Sam's voice was full of pleading, desperate for you to believe him.

Cas and Dean sat on the bed next to you and Sam.

“C’mon sweetheart, we’re not going to hurt you, I promise.” Dean seemed to ponder for a minute and then smiled to himself. “How’s this for proof this is real?” He grabbed Sam’s arm where he’d cut it for the spell.

“Ow! Jerk!”

“Don’t be such a little bitch Sam. See (Y/N), Sammy had to cut his arm in order to complete the spell. Did the Sam in your Hell have a wound on his arm?”

You thought for a second then realised he didn’t. You shook your head.

“That’s right because neither you or Lucifer knew about it”

You looked up at Sam and he beamed back at you. You sat up, kissed him on the lips and snuggled into his chest, enveloped in his smell.

“Right well if you two are going all dreamy eyed, me and Cas will go make breakfast.” Dean said rising from the bed.

You smiled at them both as they left. All the adrenaline that had been keeping you going was ebbing away and you found yourself falling back asleep. 

Half an hour later you were being roused from your slumber by Sam. You opened your eyes and saw your room in the bunker. You were sat in Sam’s arms still and stiffened slightly. You felt his shoulders slump and saw misery flash across his face. He raised his bandaged arm to show you and felt you relax in his embrace.

“Hungry?”

“Starving”

He stood up with you still in his arms and carried you to the kitchen. The smell of freshly made pancakes caused your stomach to rumble and Sam chuckled. You gave him your best bitch face.

“Hey I’ve not eaten for over a week remember!” You regretted saying it as soon as you saw the guilt on Sam’s face. “My choice Sam, my fault. I swear if you blame yourself for what I did, I’ll…I’ll, well I’ll think of a suitable threat as soon as I’m awake enough to”. When you got to the kitchen you expected Sam to let you get down but he didn’t let go; merely sat down with you on his lap. 

“I’m never letting go of you again” he stated simply when you looked at him.

“Hmm, what even when one of us needs the toilet?”

Sam laughed. “Okay apart from trips to the lavatory I’m never letting go of you again”


	7. But the Devil Has My Address and He Knows Where I Live

With some encouragement from you, Sam did let you go shower alone after breakfast. As much as you wanted to believe you were safe, you took precautions. The plug was hidden among your clothes so the water wouldn't get deep enough for you to be drowned in it, you warded against angels and you locked and blocked the door with a chair. 

You sat under the shower at its hottest trying to unknot every muscle and cleanse yourself of all traces of Hell; you also allowed yourself to really cry for the first time. Every cell in your brain screamed at you to indulge in your old habits but you were determined to stay strong for Sam. He needed you to be okay so that’s exactly what you’d be. 

Finally feeling somewhere near human, you got out and dressed. You found the boys talking in the library and crawled onto the sofa next to Sam pulling last night’s blanket over you.

Sam moved his arms up so you could lay your head in his lap. His left arm wrapped around you, interlinking fingers with your left hand whilst his right hand gently combed through your hair. This interaction was so natural for you two, it almost felt like the cage had never happened. Sam didn't even break his conversation with Cas and Dean.

“What you talking about?” you yawned. 

“Christmas” said Sam “and doing it right this year. Although Cas has somewhat ruined one of the surprises I had planned.” He ran his finger over the engagement ring as if to clarify what he meant.

“Oh I should probably give you that back. Shotgun engagement and all. It's still a yes though” you hastily added at the disappointment on his face. 

“Then keep it on. It's yours. I just wish I could have given you the grand romantic gesture you deserve”

“Yeah cos getting your angel friend to travel back in time for a family heirloom is not a grand romantic gesture at all” you laughed.

Sam bent down and you passionately kissed only breaking apart when Dean pointedly cleared his throat.

“Could we get back to Christmas please? I'm in charge of cooking and FYI (Y/N) is never allowed to be unsupervised in the kitchen again. Roofying a man’s coffee is no joke. Just promise me you didn't do anything to my pie”

“I never drugged your pie Dean, I swear”. You weren't lying. You spiked the cream. 

The boys continued talking and you drifted off to sleep. When Sam woke you a few hours later for some food, he mentally braced himself for you to freak out. You stiffened a little but upon noticing you were in the library you merely sat up and stretched. You could see the relief wash over Sam. 

After dinner, Cas and Dean went out to get some essentials for Christmas. You and Sam sat cuddled on the sofa reading and listening to Jeff Buckley. Eventually you had to give up and go for an early night; this endless fatigue was wearing thin. Sam tried to follow but stayed up at your insistence to spend some quality time with Cas and Dean. 

You woke a few hours later to hear someone moving around your room. You kept as still as possible, desperately trying to not draw attention to yourself. When you felt the bed dip behind you, you had to clap a hand over your mouth to stop yourself crying out but Sam still heard it. He clicked on the lamp next to him. 

“Baby?” You nervously looked at him and saw the bandage on his arm. You tried to calm yourself but you could feel the anxiety attack that had been building within you pick up momentum. “Baby it's me...”

You waved him to stop “I know” you panted “just can't stop the panic attack. Give me a minute”.

“But you were fine when you woke up in the library” 

You just shrugged and desperately tried to catch a breath. Sam looked at a loss so you used what breath you had to clamber over the bed to him and sit on his lap, wrapping his arms around you. It didn't necessarily help you but it reminded him you weren't scared and knew he was the real Sam. 

He gently rocked you until your breathing returned to normal. Exhausted, you were desperate to fall asleep but fought against it, worried of waking up scared and upsetting Sam again. Once he fell asleep you climbed out of bed and went for a walk around the bunker ending up in the firing range. There you stood and unloaded round after round into the paper targets, imagining Lucifer’s smirking face. You wish you could really make him pay for the pain he continued to cause Sammy but how do you kill the Devil? 

You finally had to heed to the ache in your shoulders and arms after an hour or so. You went back up to the kitchen and put the coffee pot on ready for the boys who would be getting up soon. You sat at the table and rested your head in your arms for a few minutes whilst the water boiled. 

You were woken by Dean an hour later. Stifling a yawn, you gratefully received the coffee he passed you. Taking a sip, you slopped it down yourself when you heard someone desperately shouting your name. Cursing both the coffee and the worry you caused Sam you called back to him.

“There you are” he took your hand and kissed your fingers, grimacing at the taste of gunpowder. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t drift back off so I did some target practice earlier and then, um, I may have fallen asleep at the table” 

“How were you when you woke up? Were you scared or anything?” You thought for a second then shook your head. “That's brilliant! Right I'm off to run some errands.”

“Okay. Hold up and I'll come, I have some Christmas shopping to do”

“No, you should go with Cas. He's never been Christmas shopping, he'll love it” Sam bent down and kissed you “Don't look so worried baby, I'll see you soon”


	8. Our Love Will Blow it All Away

So you and Cas went Christmas shopping. As you owed your life to them, you wanted to spoil the boys as much as possible. 

You were determined to get them something frivolous and unrelated to the job. Inspiration suddenly hit and you asked Cas to wait outside the store for you. You returned 20 minutes later ladened down with several boxes and bags. 

“Your turn Cas, I'll wait here”

“I don't have any money” 

You handed him $100 “No arguments, scoot”

Cas took so long that you were starting to fall asleep by the time he returned. You'd have been annoyed if he didn't look so pleased with himself. He'd even remembered to buy wrapping paper. 

When you got back to the bunker you hid the presents in your old room and then went looking for Sam. He was in the kitchen and leaped up like an excitable child at the sight of you.

“Follow me” he grabbed your hand, dragging you along behind him.

“Slow down Sam, my legs are littler than yours!”

He turned around and swooped you up in his arms. “Too slow!”

He stopped outside one of the unused bedrooms and placed you back down on your feet. He turned the handle and swung the door open dramatically. The room had been painted purple on one wall. The bed had a proper duvet set on it rather than the old utility bedding. Rose petals were scattered over the top. There were two chests of drawers, one with Sam’s items and one with yours. The bathroom was on the opposite of the bedroom than in Sam’s room. There were candles lit on the bedside cupboards. 

“Sam, what's this?” but he didn’t answer, just bent down on one knee in front of you.

“(Y/N) will you move into this room with me and make this our official marital bedroom?”

“YES!”

Sam jumped up, kicking the door closed behind him before lifting you onto the bed. 

Surrounded by rose petals and candlelight, you made love for the first time since escaping Hell and fell asleep wrapped in each other's embrace. 

When you woke up Sam was getting dressed at the end of the bed. He paused, warily looking at you but you just smiled and held your arms open for him to climb into. He rolled his eyes but couldn't resist. 

“So what made you do all this?”

“Well you only got scared when you woke up in our room so I had a theory that if we moved rooms it would help. And that was never really more than a place to sleep to me anyway. You deserve somewhere permanent that we can call ours and make our own little haven.”

“And that’s why you’re the brains of this operation. Thank you Sammy, I love it. And I love you. One question though; what do you say to round two?” you smirked reaching down and undoing his jeans.

Sam laughed and threw his t-shirt back onto the floor before rolling on top of you again.


	9. My Kingdom for a Kiss Upon My Shoulder

When you and Sam rose the next day there was a note in the kitchen informing you that Cas and Dean had gone on a hunt for a few days. Promising to be back for Christmas Eve, you and Sam were under strict instructions to do nothing other than decorate the bunker and get plenty of rest. 

Well who were you to argue with an angel of the Lord and a big brother. You made breakfast – unsupervised as Sam trusted you even if Dean didn't – and lazed on the sofa with your head in Sam’s lap, watching It’s A Wonderful Life. 

“Don't you just love the story of an older brother who saves his little brother and looks out for everyone else over himself. Meanwhile the younger brother becomes a hero who saves lives left, right and centre like its nothing special. Oh and a slightly bumbling but very sweet angel who saves the older brother” you said as the credits rolled and you dried your eyes. “Not to mention a family business to do with saving”

Sam just stared at you confused. 

You shook your head. “Never mind Harry Bailey. Let's get some decorating done for George and Clarence”

So Sam went and got a tree whilst you dug out all the decorations Dean had bought. When you came back into the living room he was carrying the tree down the stairs like it weighed nothing.

“The hair, the strength, and you could lift Mjölner; are you sure you're not Thor?”

“You wish” 

“You know what, I really don't. I'll take Sam Winchester any day thanks” 

You placed the tree in the library before covering it in the tackiest decorations you could find. On top you placed an action man doll with black hair that you'd dressed in a trench coat. Sam looked at your homemade angel and laughed. “Hey you're on here too you know” and you pointed to the Moose and Squirrel ornaments you'd bought. 

You hung stockings up for everyone and made a wreath of beer cans for Dean’s door. 

By the time you were finished, every banister had tinsel wrapped around it and every surface was covered in festive tat. 

Admiring your work, you actually began to get excited for Christmas. You couldn't wait to give the boys their present. Everything was planned to the final detail. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having decorated everywhere, you and Sam spent the next two days in bed. Mostly just talking and sleeping; you were both still so worn out emotionally from the recent events.  
Holding onto each other, knowing the other one was safe, was all that mattered to you and Sam. 

On Christmas Eve morning you woke to Sam nuzzling you. 

“(Y/N)”

“Hmm”

“Why did you do what you did?”

“I just woke up Sam; want to be a little less vague”

“The cage. Why did you make him swap us? You knew you could get me out with the spell so why swap places?”

“Because I wasn't going to let that sadistic bastard torture you for one more second never mind a whole week. And what if the spell hadn't worked and we'd let him take you back there? I couldn't live with myself if that happened. And I couldn't live without you. There's no one else in this world for me but you. And this world needs Sam Winchester. I went into it knowing the risks involved but as long as you were safe I'd willingly have stayed there forever.”

“And you think that this world doesn't need you? That I don't need you; that I want anyone else but you? That I'd want to continue without you?” You just shrugged. With a chuckle in his voice, Sam said “Right, you asked for it young lady”

Next minute you were fighting his hands as he tickled you. You squealed and giggled, fighting against him with all your strength. You managed to grab a pillow and hit him in the face, using his surprise to your advantage, you slid from underneath him and bolted out the door. You ran to the kitchen and armed yourself with a Banoffee pie from the fridge. Keeping your breath steady, you stood on a chair behind the door and waited to pounce. 

It wasn't long until Sam’s beautifully shaggy bedhead hair came into view. He walked into the kitchen, shrugged and turned around. The look of comprehension had barely hit his face before the pie did. As the foil plate slipped from his face, you jumped off the stool and dived for the door but not fast enough. Sam grabbed you, spinning you around and kissing you on the lips; smearing cream all over your face. 

Next minute he pulled you up and wrapped your legs around him before backing you against the wall. You threaded your hands into his hair, gently pulling his head back so you could kiss his neck. He ran his hands up your side before gently cupping your breasts. 

Things would have progressed had the bunker door not slammed at that moment, causing you to break apart. 

“Sammy! (Y/N)!”

You quickly dived over to the sink, desperately cleaning pie off each other. 

Dean walked in to find you and Sam leaning against the sink, attempting to look as innocent as possible.

“Okay. You two aren't acting at all weird. Bunker looks good though”

“Thanks Dean” you said as you hugged him.

“Dude is that cream behind your ear?”

“No! Um, I'm off for a shower”

“Not without me you’re not! Sam called, chasing after you.

“Hey to you too Sam”

Sam ran back, hugged his brother and sped off after you again.


	10. Hallelujah

You and the boys spent the evening drinking eggnog and setting the world to rights. When it got to 11pm you excused yourself to set up their Christmas present.

In an empty room you’d found, you set up a flat screen TV, a games console, and four chairs positioned to see the screen. Making sure everything was ready, you went to collect the boys.

“Okay so I bought you all little presents each but I have one big present for all of you. Follow me”

Perplexed, they did as they were told. You stood outside the door waiting for the last few seconds of Christmas Eve to tick down. When it hit midnight, you swung the door open.

“Merry Christmas boys. Who's up for a game of Rockband? You lot can fight over who sings and plays bass or guitar but the drums are mine bitches”

“No way! Really. I am so singing. No offence Sammy but you're not allowed near the mic” Dean grabbed you into a hug. “This is brilliant (Y/N)”

Sam chose the bass which left Cas with guitar. It took a little while to explain the concept to Cas but he eventually just agreed to try it.

You turned on the game to reveal the icons you'd created of each of you.

“I already set up the band. We're called Team Free Will”

Team Free Will weren't the best sounding band in the world and you often failed the songs the first time you played them but none of that mattered. Belting out the likes of Led Zep, Skynyrd and even a bit of Bon Jovi, for three hours you could all pretend to be just a normal group of friends hanging out and having a laugh.

It wasn't until Dean started to lose his voice that you all decided to call it a night. 

“Well that was very pleasant, thank you (Y/N)” 

“You're very welcome Cas”

“Yeah (Y/N) that was great” croaked Dean. 

You hugged Cas and Dean goodnight and wandered off to your and Sam’s room. 

Lying in bed together, Sam lent over and kissed you. “Thank you baby, that was a fantastic gift. I haven't seen Dean so happy and relaxed in years”

“You liked it too though yeah?”

“I loved it”

“Good”

“Merry Christmas (Y/N)”

“Merry Christmas Sammy”

And as you snuggled up to Sam Winchester and felt his smile as he kissed you goodnight, you knew it would be a very merry Christmas indeed.


End file.
